Losing My Voice
November 10th, 2007 by Steve Sensenig
o, I’m not talking about getting laryngitis. I’m just referring to the lack of motivation I have had to post on this blog lately.
I’m not entirely sure what it is. It’s not really apathy. It’s not because I don’t want to provide reading material for my faithful readers. It’s not even because I am disinterested in any topics that I might write about.
It’s just that I’m struggling right now to figure out what exactly I want to focus on in my writing. I find something of a “blogger’s block” on this particular blog.
I’ve written several posts on our foster/adoption blog about the current events in that part of our life. I find that I want to write about that! And writing those posts seems very easy for me right now. Like I used to feel here.
So, this blog sits. Collecting dust. Is it dying? Honestly, I don’t know. It’s been a part of my life for over two years now. So part of me doesn’t want to let it go. And yet, I wonder…
I think what it really boils down to is that I’m starting to outgrow the phase of my journey that birthed this blog. The phase of my journey where I began asking a lot of questions. Began challenging a lot of things. Began exploring various topics related to church and theology that played into all the changes taking place in my experience.
But lately, I’m finding that I’m enjoying just resting in Christ. Just enjoying my relationship with him. I’ve asked a ton of questions, and I’ve explored a lot of different topics. And I feel like those questions are dying down now. At least for the time being.
So what does that mean? Well, I’m not sure. I think it just means that I’m putting my attention elsewhere for right now.
I have an interview at Barter Theatre in Abingdon, VA (the interview I’ve been waiting for for months now) on Tuesday, November 27. I’m excited about that. They have changed the start date on the job. It was originally slated to start mid-January, but now is mid-March. I’m pleased with that change, and if I get the job, it will be nice to know that I have two extra months here in Boone with the people with whom we fellowship.
And our foster/adoptive situation is quite exciting right now. We’re eagerly awaiting word as to whether or not we will have the chance to adopt a particular little one that we are quite fond of, despite the fact that we’ve only had one weekend with her, and that was several weeks ago.
Those two things are what are mostly on my mind lately. Well, those things plus a couple of theological thoughts that I always feel are too controversial to put on a blog. You know, the kind of things that I’ve talked about in the past that somehow mysteriously get people thinking that I don’t value the Bible or some other such nonsense. And controversy just isn’t my thing right now.
I guess there are a lot of things I would love to talk about, but just can’t find the voice with which to do it. So, after spending all these words to say, “I have nothing to say right now,” I’ll leave you to return to your regular reading elsewhere.
Feel free to check back here whenever you want. Better yet, just add me (or keep me) in your feed reader, and you’ll know if I post again! This phase may not last long. But I figured I’d at least just be honest about it and let you know why my posting is so sporadic here.
God bless you all, and I hope to continue to dialogue with many of you on your own blogs, if not here.
Until next time,
steve 
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I’m not sure if I’ve ever commented here, but I’ve been reading your blog here for a while now. I do know that we’ve communicated a time or two through other blogs. Anyway, I can relate to what you’re saying here! I think our words mean so much more when they come from the overflow of our hearts rather than from trying to come up with something to say, so I think it’s great that you haven’t forced yourself to write on this blog when your attention is in other areas of life.
I’ve definitely dealt with “blogger’s block” lots of times and I think I’m hopefully in a place where I don’t feel the need to write when I don’t have anything to say. That’s not always been the case. I know what it’s like to feel “obligated” to write something, and it’s weird how that can be such a huge hurdle to overcome!
Thanks for your openness and honesty in this. I’m “subscribed” to your RSS feed via Firefox, so I’ll know if and when you have something to say here!
Steve,
I completely understand what you are going through, brother! I have (I think) stuck along with you on this blog for about 18 months or so, not the entire two years. I remember some of the debates and challenges here, but more than that I value the friendship that has developed.
SelahV did a post not too long ago at one of her numerous blogs about the value of Christians’ blogs. I commented that it was not necessarily the blog itself but the person who is writing it; getting to know them, their heart, and their love for the Lord. That is why I do not participate too much on the big-name blogs (not that Steve Sensenig isn’t a big name, you know what I mean!). The personal interaction laced with grace and humility is what has always drawn me back here, time after time, even when we disagree (which oddly, ain’t often).
May God bless you in what ever you decide to do with your blog; selfishly, I don’t think you should change a thing (except begin posting regularly again, heh!) God bless you and all TM readers!
Tony
Steve,
I can relate to what you said here. I have felt that same sense of transition at my blog. I think that you describe coming to the end of detox and deconstruction. The issues of church, structures, etc are settled, at least in the heart, if not fully expressed practically. There is no longer the need to question, sort, and examine. So then what?
I’m not sure of the answer for me. For you, I hope that you continue to share your thoughts along the way, possibly not separating out just the spiritual parts, but including what God is doing with you, your family, vocation, etc.
One thing I have learned from 2 years of blogging is that growth is a slow process. As we write, we don’t necessarily see it happening, but when we are able to look back over time, the progress becomes evident. So just like taking photos, blog posts become snapshots of the journey.
I really agree with Joel about not writing out of obligation. Honestly, I think every day is too much for most of us, especially for longer, thoughtful posts. That’s the beauty of blogreaders. A person can write once a month, and we are still able to keep up with them.
So, if you write, I’ll be reading.
Why doesn’t my blog address go to my webpage?
grace, because you misspelled it. I’ll fix it for you. (Another benefit to WordPress: being able to edit comments!)
Tony, thanks for the kind words. I may start posting again. Who knows?
That’s why I decided not to communicate this as any type of “decision” that I was making. More just letting people know why dust keeps collecting around here.
I appreciate our interactions, and definitely will still be interacting on your blogs, even in the absence of reading material here on my own.
Joel, nice to “see” you here. I’ve appreciated your comments elsewhere in the blogosphere. And your comments here are as encouraging as they have been in those other places. I appreciate what you have shared here.
I wasn’t writing this post to fish for encouragement, but comments like these do bless me.
grace, now that I’ve fixed the typo, I can respond to what you actually wrote!
Thanks for your encouragement, as well. I always appreciate your writing, too, and enjoy reading.
You and Joel are right about the “obligation” aspect. I don’t want to ever get into that. I used to feel obligated to write when I saw my stats dipping. Now, I try not to even think about stats in terms of driving what I do or don’t do.
I think the Father takes us through times where we have something to say and then times of just listening. Please feel no pressure from any of us to blog daily, weekly or even monthly. Just when you have something to say that you want to share with us. That way blogging does not become something religious that we do but something that the Father sparks.
We remain listening for when you have something to say.
Steve,
It must be contagious!
Sounds like I might have to stick to writing on my own blog! Steve, I am going to miss you here. I found this initially because of your postings on the H2H forum. I’ll leave you with a C.S. Lewis quote, one that doesn’t come from his own books. One of his American students was returning home, and Lewis came down to the dock to see him off. After groping for a bit, Lewis came out with “After all, Christians never have to really say Goodbye.” (from A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken) If we don’t meet up again online, or even better in person, then seee you at the Lamb’s wedding feast!
Phil Hawkins
Nature is our clue to life in the blog-sphere as well.
The tide goes out and the tide comes in.
After the activity and warmth of summer, we see fall and winter wind down our ambitions and thought processes.
Manna was to be gathered every day for only that day and then for two days on the sabbath.
We know why the 7th year is the year to let our cropland lie fallow…but what about the cropland of our minds.
I have not reached your point of departure but have my days of doing other things and waiting for something to rise to the surface. I find that I have not asked all of the questions yet that need to be released in order for me to know that I have at least looked.
I will keep looking and have confidence that you will discover more stuff to ponder and share with us.
Steve, it was with somewhat of a sense of loss that I read this post. My iron has been sharpened many times by your writings and the subsequent discussions. You have brought me to a point of self-examination on many levels and for that I thank you. I will miss that.
Having said that, I fully understand where you are, having been there myself. I pray that God continues to work in your life. It certainly seems as if He is doing so in your family and I sincerely hope that all works out for you in that regard.
While you may have reached a different point in your journey with Christ, I am sure your passion for Him is just as great as it always was. It was this passion that first gave me an appreciation for this blog and eventually you as I got to know you. As long as you have that passion, you will have something to say that is worth hearing, even if it is in another “voice”. I hope you won’t deprive us of that edification.
God bless you brother.
Well, you didn’t say you were finished for good. You said, “This phase may not last long.” I’m holding out for a quick end to your laryngitis!
Too controversial? Really? You gotta tell me in private then! What is too controversial for a blog that raises the issue of whether or not a Mormon can know God?
Barb, thank you for your encouragement. I’ve really appreciated your writing, especially of late.
Aussie John, are you having trouble writing, too?
Phil, glad to see you’re writing again. I’m sure I’ll end up back here sometime
Terry, keep asking the questions that you’re asking. It’s encouraging to be on this journey with you. And your writing continues to bless me, too, even when I don’t comment.
By the way, should I blog for 5 more years before letting the ground of my mind rest?
Gordon, once y’all canceled your visit here, I just decided to throw in the towel.
No, just kidding. Seriously, thank you for your very kind words. You have been, and continue to be, a blessing to me. I do hope we can fellowship together in person again very soon. Did y’all have a good time at Cameron’s?
Oh, and for the record, my passion for Christ is not “just as great as it always was.” It’s growing greater and greater all the time!
It’s just harder and harder to put that passion into words sometimes.
ded, you got the basic idea at our last gathering. You know, the kind of stuff I was floating out there for consideration. And it’s not so much that I’ve never been controversial here. It’s just that I don’t desire to further that reputation too frequently!!
I’ve enjoyed being a small part of things here and know the Lord will continue to use your voice even if not on this blog. I wish you nothing but the best.
Steve, you disciple me, and others. You have played a valuable part in my Christian community. Perhaps I just don’t get out enough, but you do serve the fellowship with the questions you raise, the thoughts you stimulate, the responses you publish.
So, when other commenters say feel no pressure to blog even monthly, well, I don’t agree. I do want you to feel some pressure. Jesus said to Peter, “Feed My sheep.” Not feed My sheep until …. Just “Feed My sheep.”
Now, Steve, are you the only one with grass (to feed His sheep, I mean)? No, certainly not. But you do have very good grass. Maybe that grass needs to rest a bit, or maybe it needs to be rationed and perhaps mixed with some other grasses to make it stretch for now.
But if you were to tell me you weren’t going to feed me your grass again, I can assure you it would be a blow to my nutritional wellbeing — mine, and others.
I know that the burden and pressure of blogging frequently is exhausting, and consumes time you may need to spend elsewhere. I could justify throwing in the towel because no one seemed to miss it. But that won’t work for you, Steve. You would be missed greatly.
Several commenters mentioned it’s not just your topics they’d miss, but they’d miss the sense of who you are as well. So why not combine your blogs — tell us about the family and the job along with your theological musings?
Alternatively, rather than just commenting on others’ blogs, why not co-blog with two-three-four others, so that the blog would have regular postings while you could appear less frequently — for now, until you can return to a more robust schedule?
But whatever you choose to do, Steve, thank you for your service.
Steve:
1. Don’t give up the ship, just
2. Think about Isaiah 28:16.
3. Re: adoption. Nothing better on earth than raising a kid. You’re doing God, and the kid, and yourself, a big favor. But that doesn’t need to put an end to your blogging. Chill out.
4. Re: Abingdon. Trust God. He knows what to do.And he’ll make it happen or not. The older we get, the more we see that He IS watching over us.
Love in Jesus
Carey
Man, I totally understand. The idea of moving on is a hard one, but I think it is where we see so many problems in different areas of the church. Far too many continue on, continue ‘pushing through the hard times’ and maybe they should just move on. However, the thought of moving on to the unknown is too much. I dunno… I’m finding a lot of peace in this realm called the unknown.